1. In this lifestyle, single straight guys are at the bottom of the list and single bi women are at the top. Get used to it.

2. Not all women are at the club to play; most of the women who are at the club to play are not there to play with you. Have realistic expectations. Go there to socialize, shoot pool, dance, talk, flirt. Anything else happening is just extra.

3. Always introduce yourself to the man first. Always include him in the conversation. Never approach a woman when the man leaves. Usually he has veto power over any decision to play.

4. While you might miss out on some situations, never be aggressive or pushy or follow people around. Be friendly and approachable, but always let them suggest playing. Yes, there are some women who are passive and won't even give you a clue (I met a very cute blonde here one night, dancing, talking, flirting but nothing happened because I wasn't aggressive and she was passive) but in the long run, that's the way to be.

5. Be friendly to, but don't pursue, the women who are there to meet women (and there are more than you think). No matter how highly you think of yourself, you'll never get them to change.

6. Dress nicely, be clean, cut your nails and make sure they are smooth, don't overdo cologne or deodorant, don't drink a lot (or at all).

7. Decide before going what your interests are and stick to it. Don't feel desperate at the end of the night and try to get with women you wouldn't have gotten with earlier in the night. If you're not into GBs, don't join one at the end of the night; if not into certain types of women, don't start asking them at the end of the night.

8. Learn how to say "no thanks" tactfully to women you're not interested in.

9. Word gets around. One woman may not be interested in you, but she may introduce you to another woman who might be. If you're known as a nice guy, it might get around. If you're known as an ass, it will definitely get around.

10. This lifestyle is all about the women having fun and getting pleased. They control things and have the final decision, as it should be. If the men happen to have a good time, that's great for us. If the women didn't enjoy the club scene, there wouldn't be one (at least not one I'd want to be a part of LOL).

More Quotes from Tom (the golfer)

I would like to think, but I know it's not always true, that most (some?) people go to have fun in whatever manner they define fun (just socializing, just playing, or both) and would be open to hanging out with interesting, fun, respectful people.

I understand a lot of women/couples aren't into single guys and that's fine, since I'm selective and have preferences too. But I find no need to be rude to people I'm not interested in - I'll talk, dance, shoot pool with them even if briefly. Next time that same woman/couple may introduce another couple or single lady to me as the gentleman they previously met.

The whole issue of single guys at clubs is a complicated and heated one for a lot of people, and always comes up at every club I've tried. The only way to tell who is interested in singles, who is not interested in singles, and who hates the fact that singles (guys of course) are there, is either to have conversations with them or to hear from others who know for sure what their attitude is.

I believe that by the time you're old enough to enter these clubs, your personality and behaviors are fixed; you might be able to fake it occasionally but in time your true personality comes out. Bad behavior of even one single guy (and unfortunately even a coupled guy) usually changes the perceptions of couples/women about all single guys.

I've been told, a few times, that my behavior is too polite and too laid back, that I could "get lucky" more if I were aggressive but that's just not me (and one of my sayings is "sometimes getting lucky means nothing happens").

My behaviors are mine, and I'm not suggesting that they are for everyone. Others have thought that if all single guys behaved this way things would be better; some have thought that all guys (single and coupled) should behave this way; and some enlightened few thought that even women could get some tips from it.

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